Friday, January 30, 2009


This is a dedication to all of my second mothers. I’m one of the most blessed guys I know in terms of second mothers. I do not know why I have them and why I have so many but I do. And I thank God. I have never met a mother that didn’t like me. That’s probably not true, but let’s say most mothers I know like me though I can’t think of any who do not.

Mrs. Karen Showalter – I grew up with Mrs. Showalter. And she felt both close enough and love me enough to meet up with me to tell me things that she was sure I did not want to hear. She did this though she was nervous about it not knowing what I would say. And I appreciate that. Love often will say things when people don’t want to hear it. Thanks.

Mrs. Beth McKim – Mrs. McKim reads every word I write not because she is scoping anything out but simply because she enjoys it. She thinks I update her more than some of her own children. And she has ALWAYS supported me in everything. She’s one of my biggest fans and really encourages me.

Ms. Dorothy Bey – Ms. Bey is one of the coolest people I know. She is my mother not for anything I have done, not for any act, not for any accomplishment. She is just my mother by friend-birth (I’m friends with her son). She exemplifies what I call unconditional love. The relationship would probably be the same if I made tons of life mistakes and was not doing well (and in some eyes/opinions, this is true).

Aunty Emma (white) – In the Nigerian community in Houston, I’m somewhat known just because of a few things I did. So parents my compare their children to me or something. Anyway, Aunty Emma is slightly outside of that. She said something to me about happiness [contrast that with me talking to my friend Leon at a beach farewell party on Monday, the 26th, in which, when I asked him if he was passionate about his first accounting job out of college, he said “It’s not about passion. I’m first-generation college graduate, so I gotta do what I gotta do.”]. She said “I don’t care who are with, if she’s white or not. The question is do you love her. If you love her and she loves you and you’re happy that’s all that matters. I tell my daughters that. If they want to marry a white man, as long as they love each other I support it.” I thought it was very sweet. She’s one of my oldest second mothers and always bickers with my first mother (bickering or negative comments is indicative of a dominant type of our Nigerian cultural humor).

Mrs. Allen – I went to the same school as Mrs. Allen so we have always had a lot in common. She likes me, I mean really likes me and she talks about me when I am not there. She thinks I am amazing, and it’s hard to hear her talk about me when I am in her presence. She is a bit outside of mainstream thought and action so she gets it when I might do something outside of myself for others. I appreciate that.

I thought it was so interesting as I was meeting with one of my second mothers and I heard her talk about another second mother and how they no longer communicate because of a fight many years ago involving husbands who they stuck by. I was so proud of the fact that she could say today that it was nonsense or foolishness, that none of it mattered, but that she didn’t know that then. I try to know that as I go through those types of events. I try to learn as much as I can from my second mothers. It’s just not important. Very few things here (in this life) are.

There are many more second mothers. These just came to mind since they showed me unconditional love when I was home recently.

No comments: