I remember talking to her and we discussed the three options—abortion, having and keeping the child, and adoption. Adoption was the shortest because she was not considering that option at all. In fact, I have never yet met a woman who is considering that. Remember many women consider adoption two losses—loss of self (your life) by going through 9 months of pregnancy and having the child and then loss of the child (or loss of the identity of being a good mother) when you give it away to someone and feel you have not served the child well. Here were two writings I found about adoption in some adoption readings I’ve been studying.
Legacy of an Adopted Child
Once there were two women
Who never knew each other -
Once you do not remember:
The other you call Mother.
Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one -
One became your guiding star;
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life;
The second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love;
And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality;
The other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions;
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile;
The other dried your tears.
One gave you up -
It was all she could do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears
The age old question through the years;
Heredity or environment -
Which are you the product of?
Neither my darling – neither
Just two different kinds of love.
To Give the Gift of Life
You had your eyes open a little while ago but now you just want to sleep. I wish you would open your eyes and look at me. My child, my precious, my angel sent from heaven…. This will be the last time we are together. As I hold you close to me and feel your tiny body warm against my own, I look at you and look at you ….. I feel as if my eyes can’t hold enough of you. For a human being so small there is a lot of you to look at…. In such a short time. In a few minutes, they will come and take you away from me. But for now, this is our time together and you belong only to me. Your cheeks are still bruised from your birth – they feel so soft to my fingertip, like the wing of a butterfly. Your eyebrows are tightly clenched in concentration – are you dreaming? You have too many eyelashes to count and yet I want to engrave them all in my mind. I don’t want to forget anything about you. Is it alright that you are breathing so rapidly? I don’t know anything about babies – maybe I never will. But I know one thing for sure – I love you with all my heart. I love you so much and there is no way to tell you. I hope that someday you will understand. I am giving you away because I love you. I want you to have in your life all the tings I could never have in mine – safety, compassion, joy and acceptance. I want you to be loved for who you are.
I wish I could squish you back inside me – I’m not ready to let you go. If I could just hold you like this forever and never have to face tomorrow – would everything be all right? No. I know everything will only be all right if I let you go. I just didn’t expect to feel this way – I didn’t know you would be so beautiful and so perfect. I feel as if my heart is being pulled from my body right through my skin. I didn’t know I would feel so much pain.
Tomorrow your mum and dad are coming to the hospital to pick you up, and you will start your life. I pray that they will tell you about me. I hope they will know how brave I have been. I hope I will see you again someday – I want you to grow up and be strong and beautiful and to have everything you want. I want you to have a home and a family. I want you to have children of your own someday that are as beautiful as you are. I hope that you will try to understand and not be angry with me.
The nurse comes into the room and reaches out her arms for you. Do I have to let you go? I can feel your heart beating so rapidly and you finally open your eyes. You look into my eyes with trust and innocence, and we lock hearts. I give you to the nurse. I feel as if I could die. Good-bye my baby -- a piece of my heart will be with you always and forever. I love you, I love you….I love you ……
It reminds me that losing a child even if it’s through adoption and not miscarriage or death is hard for a mother. And many would never consider it.