Friday, January 25, 2008

PURSUIT of HAPPINESS (continued)

And it’s this concept that I think keeps me from being eternally happy which I don’t mind (Isaiah prophetically called Jesus a man of sorrows and he was). Tracy Kidder, in his semi-biography of Paul Farmer, names the book “Mountains Beyond Mountains.” I can’t exactly remember why, but I think it’s this same idea that Mandela was stating. I think it’s that tension that hits me when on top of the current mountain or hill, as I view the next one that keeps me pushing. You may call the tension unhappiness, sadness, longing, yearning uneasiness, dis-ease (or disease), but it’s there and it pushes, inspires, aspirates, and respires. Bruce Wilkinson also references this concept in “Dream Giver.”

My friend Vasco mentioned that he would also score very low on the test as he doesn’t necessary “feel” happy much. So I’m not sure. I definitely would love to be referred as the guy who is eternally happy and so joyous. But I’m ok being joyful while circumstantially being happy or sad or what have you. Not sure. Just pondering.

[if you wonder about what I do in terms of research, here is a conference coming up in Sun City with a list of topics to show you the full range of stuff I do: this is related to the next paragraph]

In actuality, I think maybe you can have new mountains and be happy through the entire process whether reaching the summit of your current one or going on to the next. So it could be that I’m still wrestling with my place and niche here. I haven’t fully honed in the AIDS project. I don’t even have a fully working pre-processing program to make computer models for some of my research. I’m still waiting months for a computer modeling package to arrive. No bites on collaborations. So maybe that’s part of it. I am glad that I’ve been asked to join the children’s team at Jubilee church. That’s going to be so exciting for me. Still working out continued service in other ways. I wish the AIDS thing would pan out, but perhaps it will be long term. And it all depends on how many years I stay here.

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