SPARKS – Final Week

Since my last spark was related to connecting to an old student, I thought about another student of mine that I had. When I was a teacher he said to me, “When I get older, I want to work for you some day.” Now, I don’t know about you, but for me those were awfully heavy words. Ever since I moved on from his school, his words continue to come back to me. They are a check on my life. They make me ask myself “Am I doing the kind of work that he saw me doing before, the kind of work that would make him still want to work with me?”

At the same time I was having those thoughts last spring, two things happened. First, I have been encouraged by a few people to restart the international summer service trip program, but this time as an independent non-profit. It’s a fine idea, but it’s really hard to do outside of a school. Much easier to start it as a programme within a school as a teacher. But I was also leading a SPARKS group and I knew the power of positive risks and wanted to practice what I was preaching. So I thought, I should make a positive step toward restarting the programme. I contacted all the current teachers I knew to see if they would like to do the programme. But beyond that I asked myself what more could I do which would make my actions risky? Then I asked what do people value most? Money.

The second thing that happened is that the student I mentioned actually contacted me that spring of his junior year. He now was wondering if he could come and work for me for the summer since he hadn’t found anything else. Gulp. I told him some of the stuff I was working on and he said he was in. I couldn’t believe it. So I took a positive risk and paid him for a summer internship to work for me. And I didn’t pay pittance; I paid him well (I asked another former student and former trip participant what she was getting in her DC internship and paid that amount). I also gave him 20% free creative time just like I am supposed to get at work. And all he had to do was work from his computer and phone for me for 3 months.

The main task I gave was a creative one. Yes, he had to contact NGO workers around the world to see who would host a group for the summer next year, and yes he had to contact schools, but I had a bigger question: how do you transition the non-profit to a social enterprise for-profit-based model? I needed an idea, and I needed a good one. I even gave him a book to read about social entrepreneurship. He did a good job for me. He contacted schools and got a list of global NGO volunteers and workers who were interested. He was unable to come up with an idea.

This is why the Italy trip was so amazing for me. It was exactly one year from the summer of 2011 when his internship happened, but I had an idea—a SPARK if you will. And I saw a viable, connected, related profit-based business to help support the international summer service project. It was important to me because you could always come up with an unrelated business that just gives profit to your non-profit or towards your social aims. But I was hoping the actual business would be intricately related to the social aims.

Unfortunately, due to a lot of unforeseen circumstances I may not have the manpower to enact it, and the people I want to work directly on it are not available. So I’m currently thinking things through, and we’ll see what happens. But all of this is to say that the insight would not have happened, yes, without the trip to Italy, but also without having taken the risk to hire my intern and start thinking about possible ideas. Taking a first committed and risky step is very important to get you in the direction you want to go.

SPARKS – Week 4

I’ve been mulling over the idea of running a citywide Sparks group in London. For those of you who don’t remember, Sparks is a fun project/program in which a group of people meet for 5 weeks and each person must decide take one positive risk in the next 7 days to make herself a better person or the world a better place. Each week, we meet and share how our Sparks went, and we share our plans for next week’s Sparks. Over the years, I have had a number of people who click very well with me allowing us to produce excellent events and projects. Andy is one of them. His job is Visual Storyteller (I think other work places would call him a videographer or video designer). I asked Andy if he would like to do a DC-London Sparks group using videoconferencing screens and rooms and pairing each person with a trans-Atlantic Sparks buddy during the week. Sadly, Andy was too busy but I may still start a Sparks group in London. I’m toying with the idea and trying to gather enough support to help run the event.

That’s when I remember that it’s not an event; it’s a group of people learning to take risks together. And it doesn’t have to be a big production, it can be something as simple as people coming together and learning what it means to be human in a community that encourages growth. So, as I’m writing, I’m rethinking my worries and may just do it. In the meantime, I realize I never finished sharing my risks from the last time I did Sparks.

In week one, we had an introduction to Sparks. In week two, I took a homeless man out to dinner and we talked and laughed and found moments where we escaped the identities of rich, housed man and poor, homeless men; we were just two guys talking about women. In week three, Mike (the guy I met in week two) encouraged me to contact and talk to my former wife since I wanted to be like Mike who harboured no ill-will at all for his wife cheating on him with his best friend and for leaving him afterward. So nothing like that was done to me, I contacted my former wife, though it was hard, and let her know I begrudge nothing and resent not. Since I wanted my Sparks to tell a story, I decided that in week 4, I would fulfill a request of my former wife.

She had a student of whom I am fond. I’ll call her Sarai. Sarai was one of the students who did an international summer service trip with me, and she is exactly the type of student you want: she over-fund-raised so she gave extra funds that she continued to raise to the accounts of other students; she came up with ideas for fund-raisers on her own; she worked hard overseas and never complained even when bitten or sick; she learned a basic amount of the language needed and tried to use it; she gave her all to ever task we asked. Sarai was the valedictorian of her school. And as with many innovative movements that become institutionalized, our school, YES, wanted her to be another shining example of success. So Sarai graduated and went off to study at a university on the east coast. However, when she arrived, that click, that moment when you begin to feel at home at university never happened. It never came for Sarai. Sarai pushed through; she knew YES was counting on her as well as her parents and teachers and friends. She joined social groups, she pushed herself into her studies, she met with a counselor there. All of her efforts didn’t change how she felt: she was unhappy. She was homesick. She missed her family, friends, and church, and she was not happy in this school. She didn’t really click with other students though she did have a few friends. I’m not sure if it was too much for her at once, the feeling of too much pressure, or because Sarai is a special girl and the university had few people that fit with her personality. I don’t know. I just knew she was unhappy. She finally made the very tough decision to withdraw and go back home.

Before she could call and tell her high school, her university had already called her high school. This was hard for her because she wanted to be the one to tell her high school. She had a scholarship from a joint program between her high school, YES, and her university. Now she would lose that money. And when she finally did talk to YES, the YES administration was . . . let’s say they were livid. At this really hard time for her, I think what she needed was care and acceptance. Instead what she felt was disdain, shock, slight contempt, and disappointment. I was confused when I heard about it. I thought, “Nooo, how could trained teachers and counselors and school administrators act that way and place the institution above the person. That’s silly.” But she even described going to a YES sports game and being ignored by a few teachers because of her decision to withdraw. It really was hard for her. I know. When I spoke to her on the phone, she cried and cried as she told me about it.

So I decided my Spark this week was to go and visit with her and take her out to breakfast and to show her nothing but love from a (former) YES teacher—me. I told her I promised to fly in to Texas whenever she wanted; we would pick a date and do that. That made her very happy. I did fly in but we were unable to meet due to schedules and missed phone calls, but we did talk on the phone. And it was really good for her, at least I think so. I just spent the entire phone call listening to her story, hearing her cry, and telling her who she is. She is an amazingly gifted and persistently good young woman, and I needed to remind her of that. I was so happy to hear that her family completely and unconditionally accepted her decision and took her back. And now she is enrolled at the University of Houston and doing well and happy. Even though we have talked a number of times since then, she still has the promise of being taken out to breakfast. I’m looking forward to it.

SPARKS - Week 3

Week 3

Well, if you’ve been following along the SPARKS challenge, you’ll know at this point I was at week 3. And since I wanted all my SPARKS to have a trajectory where one risk leads to the next one, I looked at what I learned from Mike, the man I met and with whom I had a meal. Mike inspired me with his lack of anger or bitterness or even sadness with his ex-wife who cheated on him with his best friend while he was trucking along the east coast, doing his job. So I decided that I wanted to work on myself and have a healthier state after my last relationship.

I’ve always been a person who loved without desiring love, but it was very important to one woman I dated to desire love (and it’s natural). So I did. But desires create attachment and produce suffering. Though I don’t fully understand what happened, it ended, and I was ok because if you love someone you let them be happy with or without you. Then I was told I didn’t love because I wasn’t miserable. Then I became miserable. Then I was told get a grip it’s just a person. Interesting.

Regardless, I’m used to practicing detachment to things, and listening to Mike I was amazed at his detachment. After talking to Mike I spoke to a friend and she reminded me what love does. She said she learned to “be love and not desire it.” And that was it. The moment I heard that and did it (that very day), the burden of weighty emotion began to subside immediately. My only job was not what was done to me or how but to be love as it always was, as it was when I continually offered to put the person’s happiness before my desire to be in relationship. So I took a risk, not really wanting to communicate; I took a risk and communicated by phone, email, and Skype and let the person know that I begrudge nothing, resent not. My total goal is to be love and if you’re happy and healthy away from me, without me, and apart from me then that’s great. It makes me happy that this person finally found that wherever or with whomever it was. It’s good to communicate such things, better yet to live them.

SPARKS

Week 1

In January 2011, I took part in a social and interpersonal experiment which I immensely enjoyed. One reason I was delaying my next letter is because I wanted to be able to update you about SPARKS and then continue to tell you about it when we continue in May 2011 without breaking the email cycle. That’s right; I’m leading a session of Sparks in DC with hopefully about 50 people. But I want to tell you about it now and how it went in January. Here is the letter we sent out:

Dear Friend:

Hey, this is Victor.
2011 is upon us. I want to share with you an event taking place January 11 through February 1 (Tuesdays @ 7 pm about 2 blocks from Union Station). For full details check out this blog post about the Spark Series in DC. I invite you to join me, or forward to anyone in your network who might be interested!

January is always especially full of possibilities – a chance to reset our priorities. But the rest of the year can often feel like a graveyard of good intentions that petered out back in February. This year I’m starting out with a bang – or perhaps I should say SPARK. And – if you live in Washington, D.C. – I invite you to join me.



For four weeks in January and February, I’m attending a SPARK series organized by my friend Andy Pisciotti. The series will help each person focus on this one question: What’s one thing I can do this week to make the world a better place, or myself a better person?

It can be in any area of life that you want…finance, health, romance, family, friends, spiritual, social justice, recreation/hobbies, etc. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is; all that matters is that you take a risk.

You’ll come up with an answer to that question, then we’ll come back the following week to share stories about how it went. We’ll repeat the process for a few weeks. It’ll be a great way to add some initiative to 2011, and it’s another excuse for a laid back evening with friends and food.

First, watch the 1-minute promo from SPARKgood.

Spark Promo from Spark Good Studios on Vimeo.

We’ll meet on Tuesday nights (January 11 through February 1) at 7 pm. Bring yourself. Bring friends. Bring some goals you’ve just been itching to get around to. I think you’ll find the atmosphere encouraging, inspiring and practical, too.
Contact me or Andy if you want the full details. How about starting your new year with a SPARK? Then, see it blossom in 2011.


During week 1, we just met. We had a total of about 8-10 people. In the first meeting, the concept was explained and we were given spark-generators, some worksheets that contained ideas about potential sparks (reconnecting with an estranged friend of 15 years, pursuing the man/woman of your dreams, building a home for someone in need, etc.). We ate food, talked, and discussed ideas. At the end we all shared what we thought we might do during the week. Because I have weekly communal dinners, I was hoping to open up my home to the homeless and invite them in for dinner, but because I don’t live alone, there are problems with that. So I decided what I wanted to do was to take a homeless person out to dinner. Now, I’ve taken homeless people out for a meal, but I normally have left after they receive their food. This time, I wanted to engage with them not prior to purchasing the meal and a bit afterward, but to sit down with him or her and spend time breaking bread and sharing lives. Next week, we’ll see how it went.

I’ve decided to start a new series in these email updates. Each week, I’ll tell you what happened in the subsequent week of SPARKS for me (I can only talk about me). It was an exciting time, and I quite enjoyed it. When it was over I didn’t want it to end.

Overall, it went well, though we had a few challenges about people wanting bigger and better things, about people risking bigger things. The problem was sometimes they didn’t, or they went for something that was easy instead of challenging, something that takes longer than a week instead of what could be done in a week, or something that wasn’t in their control, perhaps. So we’ll be doing it better, and we’ll do it again in May, and my friend Andy asked me to help co-lead. I’m really looking forward to it!!! VERY exciting!!