MEANINGFULNESS & HAPPINESS

Enjoy. I was ending a counseling session with a client, and he said to me, with a smile, “I really enjoyed that session today!” I was a bit shocked because I never think about enjoying counseling and often counseling sessions are not enjoyable sessions, not in the way you enjoy eating a seaweed and kale salad (ok, maybe you don’t enjoy that). It reminded me of statements in which someone says that the reason we help people and do good in the world is that it feels good. I’ve thought about it for awhile, and I have participated in debates in which some people say we don’t enjoy such work and some people admit to enjoying it. I know why people disagree about this. It’s because they are speaking about two different things.

If you are helping people superficially or giving money non-relationally, then yes, you might do it because it feels good. If you volunteer in a one-time way or once-off, then maybe it feels good. If you give money to charity and then walk away feeling like you did something good, you might feel good. So I see and understand that.

However, those of us who actually roll up our sleeves and engage in the tough relational work of helping people know often it does NOT feel good. When you make yourself vulnerable and open up your home to people, whom others don’t trust, and they burn you; when you are counseling prostitutes or people riddled with diseases or suffering a loss, it does not feel good as we work through issues. When you work with ex-offenders and ex-convicts (who should not be defined by what happened in the past) and work through recidivistic tendencies as well as dealing with stereotypes people place on them, it does not feel good. When you are working with a woman who has turned against all men including you, it does not feel good. When you push a crippled person around, a person who is bitter at the world, it is not very nice. I could go on, but I think the very act of getting deep with people who need help and dealing with them as people, with all their pain, all their issues, all their expectations, and all of YOUR hurt, it does not feel good at all. It is hard. Often times you fail when you help people. You don’t know if you should start again, you don’t know if it matters. You feel like quitting.

It’s like any relationship really.

It just doesn’t always feel good.

And when you’re in a position of habitual, relational, continual help, working alongside someone as that person seeks to move forward, it’s often not a happy feeling, it’s work. You get frustrated, you cry, you get hurt. You hurt them. They hurt you. You feel like quitting, you see no progress. Where’s the impact?

Then suddenly someone talks about the difference she notices. A step forward is made. The person is in a better, stronger position in life. The person has actually started helping others, slowly but surely. And in that moment, however small, however fleeting, that person finds meaning. And, relationally, you find meaning, too. Meaning was never lost, but sometimes you lose sensitivity to it. So in that small moment, you, once again, feel the meaning or significance that was probably there all along. You experience a bit of satisfaction. You taste a bit of fullness. You begin to understand how you can be sad and fulfilled, simultaneously unhappy and satisfied. The happiness is emotional or circumstantial or superficial, the fulfillment or satisfaction or meaning is deep, very deep, undergirding, untenable, impalpable, and so real.

It’s why I can spend time with people with whom I have difficulty liking even though I don’t enjoy the experience and it doesn’t make me happy. There is meaning there.

It’s exactly why I’ve seen some of my friends shut out close people around them because of harsh treatment but other friends embrace pain-causing people because, as unhappy as those interactions are, they find meaning in continuing to love those people through presence and quality time.

This is exactly why Jesus was often sad, as described by certain writers. It’s why Mother Teresa’s most recently released letters show a deep long-term unhappiness, frustration, and depression, even amidst the meaningful work that she continued to do. It is why MLK was frustration, conflicted, and downtrodden sometimes. It’s why faith can be so important to people in such situations because it can help maintain, sustain, motivate, encourage, and even propel them forward through such long and constant periods of unhappiness, sadness, and unenjoyable times. They do it, we do it because there is meaning there. There, is love.

A lot of people ask me about being happy in life or in a career, and I’ve learned by now, it’s not about being happy. Though language is so imprecise, so often I will incorrectly use those word “happy.” But when I ask if someone is happy, I actually mean to ask if the work is fulfilling or meaningful. If you leave one job because you are unhappy to go to another job, it is rare that you will find happiness there. If it’s an amazing situation and circumstance, then it’s possible. Often, in practice, because it’s so hard to find an amazing situation and circumstance people end up unhappy in the new job. However, if you learn, first, how to be content in any and every situation, that’s a key to the deeper joy. Then, you can make a move to a new job, not from a place of need or negativity (I need to find something that will make me happy; I lack contentment; I hate these people and this place; I gotta get out of this dump). No, you are already content. You are moving to a new job from a place of positivity. You are growing and a new job automatically allows you to grow more and positively impact more people. The new job allows you to increase meaningful work in society and create greater social value. The new job allows you to help fulfill more people. The new job is just a better fit for you such that you are running to a job not away from a job. The new job allows you to express passions more and allows you to work in your love language more and cooking more of your love food.

A great example of life choices involving fulfillment and unhappiness is Viktor Frankl. I often wonder how his life would have been different if he didn’t live and survive a concentration camp during WWII. By age 16, he had started a correspondence with Sigmund Freud and Freud sent a two-page paper Frankl had written to the International Journal of Psychoanalysis. And this was before formally studying medicine and practicing clinical psychology. By 1941, Frankl's ideas and work had received international attention. His logotherapy helped people overcome depression and attain well-being through finding unique meaning in life (not happiness). He had also established suicide-prevention centers for teenagers. But it was in the same year he had to decide whether or not to move to America. This is an excerpt from an online Atlantic article about him.

"That was the same year when he had a decision to make, a decision that would change his life. With his career on the rise and the threat of the Nazis looming over him, Frankl had applied for a visa to America, which he was granted in 1941. By then, the Nazis had already started rounding up the Jews and taking them away to concentration camps, focusing on the elderly first. Frankl knew that it would only be time before the Nazis came to take his parents away. He also knew that once they did, he had a responsibility to be there with his parents to help them through the trauma of adjusting to camp life. On the other hand, as a newly married man with his visa in hand, he was tempted to leave for America and flee to safety, where he could distinguish himself even further in his field."

It was a choice between being happy (circumstantially or superficially or temporarily) and feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled due to his suffering parents or feeling like he was doing meaningful work as it relates to his parents and yet unhappy (because he, too, would probably end up in the concentration camp). To be fair, I have simplified the matter. Obviously, by staying in Vienna, he most probably imperils his wife and future child, and by leaving, he definitely saves them. What I’m differentiating simply is the difference between personal pleasure and temporal happiness from a situation, circumstance, feeling, or moment in time to satisfaction or meaning which can often be more long-term, unrelated to an unpleasant situation, constant in the face of suffering, and focused on others as opposed to self. I’ll let you see how he decided what to do, what he decided, and the implications of that choice in his life and the lives of others today. There’s more to life than being happy.

UPDATE - 28 February 2013

Hi, all. It’s good to be back from India. I had a great time with the students there. I taught another batch and now I’m home, and they consistently contact me sending me love. I love it!

I then spent a week in Blacksburg visiting my mentee and spending time with one of my dearest, oldest, and most beautiful friends (hey, BF) as she works through her PhD. I stopped in DC on the weekend to surprise Kristine for Valentine’s Day. We were able to do a really cool cruise on the water and I got to see her bruises healing slowly. Unfortunately another tooth cap came loose so that had to be redone but she seems to be in good spirits, in general. Or at least seeing me helped. J

I’m now back and about to head out for another fun-filled two weeks. Then hopefully I’ll be grounded for awhile as I start up some music classes, try to join the North American Actor’s Guild here, and run a Sparks session. Wish me luck because I’m having trouble with all three of those, but I believe it will work out as I continue trying.

I’ve just finished my stint at the homeless shelter I was working at, so I’ll miss a lot of my people there. The funny thing is people ask me for jobs all the time when they find out where you work. It’s just part of working here. Students ask me, people I meet in pubs ask me. Even the woman I see each week at the dry cleaners. I thought she was joking with me and flashing that smile at me because she was interested in me. Turns out she just wanted to work with my company. I should have known after she commented on how tall I was! I didn’t think it would be the exact same thing at the shelter. So at the shelter, I was helping one girl with internships and studies. I was helping another man who was trying to shop a new product idea to my company. He asked me to check with them. I did but of course, they weren’t interested. It was the first time I got job requests even at the shelter. I’m still working on helping one guy out and need to talk to the shelter administration.

Otherwise, things are good. I’m going to go rest now, but hopefully you enjoy the rest of this update. If not, just close the tab on the browser, delete the email, or navigate to another page away from this blog. I’m never offended. Have a great week and weekend.

UPDATE - April 2011

I’m stopped at a red light and I look to my right past the right lane to the right sidewalk. A noise draws my attention. I see a group of three black youth in an open circle (arc) looking to the left at an older white woman on crutches (the type that are just poles but have a holder for your forearms and a horizontal bar protruding from the pole for your hand to hold). The women is medium build, about 5’5’’ with disheveled brown hair; her complexion looks as if it hoped to be fairer if only it had a good wash and scrubbing down. But her mind and complexion seemed to be out of relationship so she plodded along.

Now the three youth were looking at her because she appeared to be . . . rapping. What was strange is that she provided a steady beat to the rap by hitting her pole crunches against the ground. She could only do this by moving forward or backward as if walking. So when she would get really hype into a great part of her rap, she would hit a quick “bmm bmm bmm bmm” (left right left right) which would quickly walk/crutch her backwards away from the kid down the sidewalk. It had a funny look. Imagine a physically handicapped person trying to have her crutches keep up with her fast rap, having to walk-crutch-limp faster to thud faster to the rhythm of her rap all the while the three youth looking at her like “What in the world is that?” I promise you that’s the look that I saw. At first I thought they were all friends and they for someone reason couldn’t understand what she was saying. But then I saw that they were as mystified as I was watching her hobbling to tap and crutch-walk herself in rhythm with her fast walk. Too Legit—bmm—too legit to qui-bmm bmm bmm-say what?-bmm—too legit—bm—too legit-to quit--Crutch-walk, tap tap tap-Can’t touch this-- bmm bmm bmm—You hear what –tap—cause this is a beat-bmm bmm—you can’t touch--crutch-step, crutch-step, crutch-step.

Then she comes to me . . . bmm bmm bmm bmm . . . . with the biggest smile on her face.

“Did you see that?”

“Yeah.”

“I was spitting some truth to those kids. Those kids didn’t know what hit ‘em,” she said proudly as if she had just discovered a new chemical element or finished her career-ending concert finale.

“Yeah.”
“You got some change?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m flipping and ripping a couple of lyrical styles y’all never heard “ Bmm Bmm Bmm
Trying reach dem partners dat be on dat cornah sipping syuurp.” Bmm bmm bmm

Green light.



Hidy-ho. It’s good to be in touch again. I’m starting a new series which may require me to write once a week again. One thing I’ve learned is that though I don’t enjoy writing these updates as much as people think, there are vast majority of the 6 of you who do enjoy getting them. For that reason, I keep on writing them when I’m tempted to stop.

You’d like to know what’s new with me? Well, all the same old stuff. I’m still doing a few mentoring programs and volunteering here and there. I am still in my fellowship program doing international development work for big people. I still sing in a few groups and enjoy that.

What’s new since the last time I wrote is that I auditioned for a science education show and got the part. I’m the physics content host for a science education video series that helps science teachers understand the science they teach. The science education organization hired a production company to handle the videos, and the production company thought “We always get actors to host things. Why don’t we get actual scientists?” That’s where I was lucky since I’m at the intersection of acting and science. Either way, they hired me after the audition. There are 20 units, and 6 are in my area—physics. Each unit has 20 lessons, and I go through the 20 lessons and choose 8-12 that warrant extra explanation via a video. Then I write bullet-point descriptions of what would be in the video. Then I write the scripts for it. Then we shoot. They’re a good group of guys, and I’m really enjoying the process to work at the intersection of education, science, and acting. It’s the first time I’ve worked with a teleprompter, too!

Another new thing is that I went to book talk on a social justice book (in the Arts section below). The editor was a really nice and humble man who is charge of Christian student life (or something like that) at Princeton. Anyway, I didn’t realize he was also the religion editor for the Huffington Post. I was the last person to talk to him that night before going home. I just wanted to say hello with no ulterior motives. He asked about me. When he realized what I did, he told me the CEO of my fellowship organization has written 3 articles for him over the past few years. He said he would love for me to write articles on the intersection of science and faith. So he told me to submit some ideas to him. I was surprised, but told him ok. I sent him an idea the next day. He said he looks forward to seeing the full article. Wowzers.

Also my a capella group got serious and had a December holiday concert. We were going to do a joint concert with a barbershop group but they pulled out so we had a Christmas party and sang a few tunes at that at two different points during the 2-hour party. It was a hit and people LOVED it! So we’re currently working on a spring concert. Unfortunately people have left due to drama (yes guy groups can have drama, too), other commitments, and moving away from the city. So we’ve been auditioning. We’ll see if we can still have the spring concert in time. Most likely we’ll move it to the summer/fall or just do a nice Christmas concert.

But the big thing people have been asking me about is what I’ll do next year (September 2011). My fellowship program is over in August, so all the 2nd year fellows are job-hunting. There are various opportunities, but I’ll tell you about the three related to my current fellowship.

1) I’ve applied for a Congressional Fellowship (so doing the same program but in Congress)

2) I could get hired on (there budget problems and it seems unlikely)

3) AAAS Fellows at my department/agency are the only AAAS fellows allowed to do a 3rd year extension overseas as one of the missions. There are 20 countries interested in hosting a 3rd year AAAS Fellow, so I’m in talks with them to see if they would like to have me. Unfortunately it’s a matching program. They don’t want a general intern who can learn what they want her to do, they want someone who is already an expert in a certain field and language to come in and hit the ground running. So I’ve had 7 no’s so far. Ghana will no longer host a fellow. Zambia has competing priorities and also won’t host a fellow anymore. Russia said no due to money (which doesn’t make sense because there is Washington money available). Egypt said they have to wait for a new government before they decide what they will do with science & technology (S&T) work in Egypt. Mozambique and DRC said the fit wasn’t good. DRC wanted a French-extremely- fluent biodiversity expert who uses GIS in land surveying conservation efforts (I really liked this position as it was a regional position and required you to go around to different parts in the area, and you wouldn’t be stuck in the office, but out in the field a lot). So that’s that. We’ll see what happens with the others.

Outside of that, I’m applying various things, mainly social enterprises since I love those whether joining one, joining a social enterprise incubator, or starting one. We’ll see. It’s an exciting field and I’m glad I’m a part of it from a donor and experimenter side. Since I’m looking at jobs all over the map, I will tell you about one in science education that floored me. An HBCU in Baltimore has a center for Excellence in Mathematics and Science. My name was given to them (by AAAS due to work as an adj. prof of Ed for AAAS through George Washington University, working with DC public school teachers). The center’s director resigned or retired. The associate is taking over for the time being. They are interested in me coming in to be the interim director and applying to be the permanent director (competitive post). I told them I’m interested. So we’ll see how that goes.

In the meantime, I’m still doing weekly community dinners, watching plays and concerts, and preparing to teach a salsa dance class this summer. Still I really love singing with my a capella group.

JOBS & RESEARCH

Ok, I was asked again, so I will try to write it out and explain what I’m doing in Washington, again. But I won’t put the links this time.

There are 30 U.S. scientific organizations that have been given the power by the government to appoint 1 or 2 science advisors to U.S. senators/representatives (Congressmen). This, of course, is in the legislative branch, and these appointments are called Congressional Fellowships for a period of one year. Each science advisor would be on the staff of a Congressman as the science advisor to that senator or rep. Each scientific organization is specific, i.e. GSA-Geological Society of American, OIA - Optical Institute of America, APS - American Physics Society, etc. One of the 30 is the AAAS--American Association for the Advancement of Science. This is an umbrella organization as it contains scientists of all types and is the largest science organization in the world. In addition to 1 or 2 Congressional Fellowships, they also offer 15-25 science policy fellowships in the executive branch (under the president) of government in 4 different areas—National Defense and Global Security [NDGS] (Dept of Defense, FBI, Homeland Security, etc.), Diplomacy (USAID, Dept of State, etc.), energy/environment/natural resources [EENR] (EPA, Dept of Energy, etc.), and health/human services. These fellowships are also for one year but instead are in the executive branch and there are more appointments in each of the 4. I applied with the AAAS (I applied for a few others but didn't get those) for defense and diplomacy as you are only allowed to apply for two. In Round 1 they shortlist the candidates (quarter-finalists). In Round 2, still looking at the same applications, they shortlist again. This new list of names is called the semi-finalists list, and the semi-finalists are flown for interviews in D.C. (Round 3). From this pool AAAS chooses who they want to work in government; Over 50% of the semifinalists in Round 3 go are chosen and become finalists. The problem now, of course, is that they've (we've) been chosen by AAAS but we still have not been chosen by the government directly and we've still no exact, particular placement within government (I gave examples of executive branch agencies in the four areas). So Round 4 is a week's worth of interviewing at different agencies within your area to find a placement.

They always say that it is not definite and subject to availability of funding and finding a placement. In other words, the number of finalists that AAAS has chosen doesn't always match the number of possible spots the government has in that area. Additionally, AAAS does not fund the executive branch fellows (non-Congressional fellows). The funding comes from the government agencies directly. So for me to get the job, I must find an agency that both wants me above others and has the money for me. Though, in the area of Defense for the past 5 years, all finalists have been able to take an appointment if they chose to take one (though not necessarily their first choice). This happened due to a merger of offers from the Department of Defense (DoD) and the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). So though everyone who wanted a NDGS appointment could have one, this year is different. There are considerably less openings in science defense policy for AAAS NDGS finalists. The CIA and NSA don’t offer positions. The FBI, who usually offers positions, is not offering positions this year (this is the change). This leaves only the DoD, DHS, and the National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA) at the Department of Energy (DoE). Should all 13 of us want placement in defense we would not get it. Why wouldn't all of us want placement in defense if we're interviewing? Well, some of the defense fellow finalists are also finalists in another area, so if some of them take a placement in another area it will ease the competition a bit. As it stands, who knows? I just know now that there are not enough placement spots for us all. AAAS is working hard to get the government to offer a few more, but it still will be short. So we will see. I should definitely pursue other job opportunities even as I go for this final round of interviews!

The Associate Director of the entire AAAS program has encouraged fellows who are finalists in two areas (including NDGS) to consider taking the other area if they offered a job or in deciding before an offer comes. This would ease the competition and be more secure for that person. NDGS is the smallest area of the four offering the least placements. The Associate Director does hope to add one or two more placements before Placement Week (the interview week) begins on the 20th of April. We shall see.