BED BUGS

We had an outbreak of bed bugs in my government building. So my entire department/agency received an email about bed bugs and bed bug etiquette (don’t ask me what this is). Apparently, the bed bugs were tracked down to two cubicles on a particular floor. It wasn‘t my floor, thank goodness, but I was freaked out because the email explained that bed bugs can travel up and down floors. I started screaming in my cubicle and scratching immediately. The email told us that though they located the source, it was important for us all to know that it doesn’t matter if they eradicate the source in the building because they could be coming from somewhere. It went on to explain that the people who brought the bedbugs into their cubicle have a responsibility to eradicate it at their residence; if they don’t, they could always bring it back and the problem starts again.

Poor people. The story got out among all the different government agencies and departments. Then it showed up on National Public Radio and all my friends heard about it. My agency sent an email telling the brief history of bed bugs, how they grow and breed, and how they are killed. It freaked me out. I mean, did you know bed bugs can live up to a year without feeding? Yes! Not only that, but some people have no reaction to their blood-sucking while others get marks!! I mean I felt itchy just reading these emails about it. And the jokes! The poor people whose cubicle in which they were found! I kept wondering about everyone joking about them. What if the person was single and was dating a new boy. Why does she have to be a woman? Fine. What if the person was single and was dating a new woman? That poor guy. Would she even want to date him anymore? Would she want to touch him? If I were him, I would tell her I just have a rare skin disease but the new clinical trial I was in looks promising (though rare side effects can include heart failure, blindness, and sometimes death). Or I would tell her it goes away after I get special chemicals and steam cleaners after submitting my body to science.

Then there is the thing called scabies which I think is just gross because it sounds like a combination between scabs and rabies. And that’s the worse combination you can get. Apparently with scabies, as you scratch the bug that is scabbing rabies on your arm, they climb into your fingernails and then you spread it around to other places.

No joke. I was having lunch with a woman who had latched on to me for the day (her words). And we were talking about dating boys. She mentioned that she had scabies in her place and had to tell a visiting ex-boyfriend to watch out. After I finished wiping some of my drink that came out of my mouth, I suppressed the urge to quietly slip away without her noticing because she was looking right at me and she would probably notice. Then, later she says, “I think you and I should date.” No joke. She said that. But for some reason I couldn’t hear those words. She was saying “I think you and I should date,” and I kept hearing “I think you shouldn’t shake my hand.” I just nodded my head agreeing that we shouldn’t shake hands.

PRACTOR'S PROMISE

In the past two or three months, I have been approached by 4 girl friends (2 married and 2 single) asking me if I would be willing to “meet” a female friend of theirs. Now, I’m not sure why this is all happening at once or at this time, but it is. Strange. I wonder if I have that kind of walk and head bob while I walk that says “Me. ME! That’s ME! I’m the one you read about in the paper that will do whatever it takes to get married!!” Actually, I’ve had women come up to me or my roommate and say “Find me a man!”

And many people in the last update were confused about the dating service. So let me tell you how it works.

A woman in DC (I say woman because no men have come to us either because men, on average tend to be more insecure about such things or the fact that DC has large amount of men compared to women in the 20-30 and 30-40ish range) will contact me (or us) and say, “I’d like to join your service.” Then we meet up for dinner, and the only fee we charge is the meal. So over my free meal (I don’t enforce it of course) she tells me what she wants. I take notes. At this point she has the option of using our personality assessment which includes the same 29 dimensions of personal compatibility as Eharmony but we include 6 more for a total of 35. In fact, the 6 dimensions are personality dimensions of incompatibility because, as our motto goes and as grandma taught us in woodshop, “You’ve got to rough up two pieces of sandpaper before you can glue them together.” She doesn’t have to (and no one has used it to date).

We then set her up with someone in one of 7 ways.

1. The traditional Blind Date
We call you up and say “Hey, be at Farmer’s Market at 7 PM on Saturday. He’s wearing a blue shirt and looks like me.”

But sometimes that’s a little unnerving for people. So we offer a low-stress version of the same thing.

2. The Blind Group Date
This is the same thing but it is a blind double date or a blind triple date. I and/or Praj will take another girl or two and join you. Or you could invite two friends or four friends you know to join you in your blind date to ease the tension.

Still, the fact that you are paired with some person (man or woman) whom you just met makes some people unsettled. So we offer another option.

3. The Group Outing
In this case, there is not an equal number of guys and gals (I didn’t say girls) or men and women. For instance, it will be 5 gals and 6 boys or 7 women and 4 men. So the feeling of being paired romantically falls away (hopefully) and you can get to know someone in peace.

Yet again, some people are unhoused by the prospect of meeting the person face to face even in a group outing. They prefer something else.



4. Faceless Communication
In this case, you are put in contact with a potential date through e-mail, telephone, videophone, text-message, and instant message (any other instant, e- or video- methods you can imagine). This is quite comfortable for some because they want to get to know someone in a hyper romantic state before a personal face-to-face meeting.

But for those who think love is so superficial and they think they are really into the heart of a man or woman, have we got a test and option for you.

5. The Literal Blind Date
This is where you come to our house for dinner and you dine. The only difference is that the windows are all blacked out and no light is let in. The lights inside are off and we use infrared goggles to serve you your food. You get to know the personality and voice of your date, but that’s about all. We have ways to black out the bathroom so you can be guided there and use it in peace with the lights on but without light escaping into the room. It’s phenomenal. Let’s see if love really IS blind. :-/

Nervous are you? Well, we have another version.

6. The Literal Blind Group Date
This is the same blind date at our house, but it is done as a double blind blind date or a triple blind blind date. It’s quite fun!

7. The Mixer
In this case, let’s say you’re a boy. You enter our house and there are 12 or 13 girls. People don’t like this scenario and prefer the gender-reverse. So let’s pretend (or maybe it’s true that) you’re a woman. Then you come to our house for drinks and talking and schmoozing with 12 or 13 guys. At the end of 1.5 hours, you choose one guy with whom you can go out on a funded date (did I say this was a non-profit. We might even be in the red!).

Even with a funded date, some women find too much focus and energy directed at them, and it is hard to handle. So if you prefer, we have another option.

8. The Mixed-up Mixer
This is the same thing but if you are a woman meeting 12 or 13 guys we throw in 3 or 4 other women to help defray some of the energy. So the guys have other people to talk and mingle with while waiting to meet you. This makes some clients feel better and not as anxious about the whole affair even though she has her pick.

In general the name of the game is personalization. We personalize the experience. In other words, it’s what the client wants. If the client wants a service we don’t offer, we start offering it. But we do whatever the client finds comfortable. Because it’s not about us; it’s about you!

PRACTOR’S PROMISE

Funny enough, one of the things I do is run a dating service or a matching service. It’s a small outfit, and it follows an organic and relational model. We’ve no web-presence and are only promoted through word of mouth and e-mail. I run it with my roommate Praj. This is a promotional section from a monthly newsletter to my fellowship program.
*******************************************************************************************
LOVE SECTION
******
*************************************************************************************

*******************************************************************************************
COMINGLING for the SINGLINGS
******
*************************************************************************************

Some of us are married, some single, some divorced, some partnered. Some of us
are living apart from our families, spouses, partners, or kids (LDS - long distance
syndrome). Since the beginning of the fellowship, some of us have started new
relationships; others have separated or broken up, some while still LD; still
others have both started and ended new relationships. Through it all, the same
request has come to Practor&Vij time and time again. "I want you to find me a man."
It's come up so often, that we at Fellows Monthly are pleased to present to you

Practor's Promise
The Success rate of Millionaire Matchmaker meets the Excitement of the Bachelor



There comes a time. . .
When we heed a certain call . . .
When we all must come together as one
[theme music]


No need to hang out in the local coffee shop to find a date. Practor's Promise recognizes it can be difficult to meet people with whom you share common interests and goals within your geographical area, or when you do meet them, they already have spouses and support polygamy. Well, we can help. Practor's Promise matches you with compatible local men or women - whether you're looking for love in Shaw or Capitol Hill, Arlington, or Takoma, in the Capitol or at the Metro stop.

Using the 29 dimensions of compatibility that are predictors of long-term relational success,
we have gone further than eHarmony. Using a slew of statistical optimization methods we have
optimized the 29 dimensions and their interplay, and we've added 6 more dimensions, 2 of which
we look for incongruence between potential partners. As my mama used to say "You can't
glue two pieces of sandpaper together without roughing them up a bit. " Ha ha ha! That's our
motto at Proctor's Promise. Better than eHarmony or we'll pay your subscription and wedding
fees (they're that good--but we're that much better). Eharmony accounts for 2% of US marriages, we account for 2% of global weddings, but we're just guestimating as it's impossible to keep track of the data. Ha ha ha!! Still that's an impressive guestimate!

Practor's Promise is dedicated to finding you love every single day, unless yesterday worked for you. Who knows?? Oh, wait, we should know. . .Our compatibility matching system matches people on 35 dimensions of compatibility, and 35 dimensions can't be wrong, can they?

[We at Practor's Promise want to emphasize that we believe the best way to get to know someone is outside of a romantic relationship and rather start a romance after already knowing the person as a friend. But we know this is not always possible, and we believe that people are adults while others just believe in "dating-to-know" and enjoy it. And we understand. We just like to inform you of the facades and impressions we, as humans, put forth when dating and sometimes how hard it is to see the real person when we're trying to put our best foot forward in dates. So though we prefer you to get to know someone outside of a relationship, with a Practor's Promissory note, you can be potentially matched with a friend you already know or a completely new person and sent on a blind date. You can also talk on the phone or e-mail for awhile getting to know each other in a romantically potential context before taking the first step. It's all about you. Today is your day.]

There are 3 easy steps

1) Fill out a questionnaire and take Practor out to dinner to talk about what you want. (the dinner is part of your fees. Don't complain. At least we're letting you eat, too.)

2) Review the selected highly compatible matches we find.

3) Choose a meeting plan that best fits your compatibility level and ease.

4) Go buy some popcorn and watch the sparks FLY!

Correction--4 easy steps.


When we set you up on a date, we have a few easy rules.

1. Be easy (No conjugation)
For those of you who are flipping through your grammar books, keep flipping.

2. Remember it's just a first date
No expectations (not low or high expectations, just don't have any)
For the moment don't naturally expect this to go all the way. Let it be what it is,
a first date and enjoy the moment of it as much as possible.

3. Have fun (especially if you're paying us; we're having fun with your money!)

Note, we are having fun with the advert, but this is a real service. E-mail
prajandvictor@gmail if interested. We at Fellows Monthly
know there are a few guys who are interested but have too much pride to
ask. We offer counseling services for your pride and matchmaking services
for your ego; ALL are welcome!

Knowing that there are fellows who have a no-dating-fellows rule, we are able
to match both outside of the fellowship circle and within it. It depends on your
preference.
prajandvictor@gmail.com

We maintain all confidentiality. So many people ask and talk to us about
relationships but we don't divulge any of it as long as we're sober. So feel
easy and free.

Make your Proctor's Promissory Note TODAY!
Prices vary.
prajandvictor@gmail.com